Thursday.
Meditate this morning and pull a few cards as my daily practice for the tarot course I’m doing. I usually ask a question I feel I have to ask, then shuffle the cards and let my intuition go.
I really felt like asking something general like, ‘what’s coming up for me today?’
Funny. I get The Devil and The World.
From what I’m getting, The Devil is the part of your subconscious that asks you to be proactive in working fears, impulses, everything that has to do with your shadow work. Facing some uncomfortable things —which doesn’t need to be big. Sometimes it only means that I need to clean the room or manage my time better to avoid anxiety. I tend to get the message because I know it’s been poking in mind for a while.
The World is the last card of the Major Arcana. It means completion, in a nutshell. There’s been work, effort, tears and healing. The lessons have been studied and worked on. The cycle is complete. Allowing a natural, harmonious ending. There’s no point on forcing a cycle that is already finished.
Although today it takes me a while to understand what the hell they mean. I guess I’m still in a sleepy state after meditation and can’t get quite much but I trust the day will reveal the messages anyway. So I let them be and start my day.
Finish the things I need to do from work and somehow I feel a bit bleh. Not very motivated to stay in my room or do anything. Mom asks me if I’m going out this afternoon. I tell her I have to go to the pharmacy to collect a prescription. The plan is going, collect it and head back home. She says I could get a mask and go out for a walk from the pharmacy and see how it goes. Get some sunshine. I can always come back if it doesn’t feel right anymore.
Dunno…
I’m still fighting the anxiety of going out with people around. I still don’t dare because when there’s more people around I might feel anxious about it. Hm. I think of The Devil card I pulled this morning… there’s some shadow to work on today. Then I think again of going back to the woods and get some sunshine. And I feel happy. I feel motivated.
That must be a good sign.
Still, I say to myself ‘maybe there are no masks available, let’s see’. I’ll see after the pharmacy.
Funny. They didn’t have my prescription but as many masks as I wanted.
Well, that might be a good sign too. I take a few, wear one of them and head my way into the woods. This time when the sun is shining. It’s a lovely sunny day in London. No pressure. Let’s see where I get.
As I’m walking I tap with how I feel and there’s no anxiety, even though there are more people around than in the evenings. Everyone is keeping distance very naturally and the way doesn’t seem as scary as I thought it might be. I make sure I’m taking every safety precaution but I’m alright.
It’s the first time in two months that I face civilisation out of my confinement. Feels weird but good. Feels complete. I put a Disney playlist and somehow I feel like Rapunzel, or Belle, or Little Mermaid going out to a new, exciting world. Like an adventure. I feel like a bloody Disney princess.
And I smile even though no one can see it behind my mask.
I feel radiant.
End up having a very long walk and feel stronger than ever. Yes, maybe tomorrow my muscles are going to kill me but I don’t care. I just need it. It’s the last piece of the puzzle.
Hm. The World.
Get back home and make a huge dinner. And almost forget to write.
And… maybe this is what I’ve been feeling lately. Maybe some things have a purpose and it’s important to know when to let go so I can welcome others. There’s a time for everything.
I meditate on the decision and think of The World again. Completion. The end of something and the start of something new… an organic finish. It’s time to let go gracefully.
So this is it. And I feel fine with it. I know I’m making the right decision.
I’m so grateful I had this flashing idea as soon as I started the quarantine, which has kept me sane and in good spirits for all this time. Through the two months of lockdown in a safe haven that’s kept me protected. I’m grateful for every single day I wrote because that’s kept my mind strong and clear. A challenge that’s tested all my senses and I have passed successfully.
But now that my feet have touched the ground and my lungs have breathed nature again I don’t feel I’m in quarantine anymore.
It’s a graceful, natural completion. It’s time to move on and let new, exciting projects to come in.
So long, farewell, dear Quarantine Diary. I will always be grateful to you.
I’m ready for the next step.