Tuesday.
— You need to go out.
— … well… I know…
— Listen to me. I know you. I’m your mother. You need to go out and have a walk. You’ll be fine.
— …yeah… I really need a walk.
Mom calls me right after my evening meditation. Funny enough, we were working on connecting with our intuition and answer a number of questions we had at the beginning of the session, and to one of them I answered: call mom.
Well, I guess I didn’t need to. She already felt it.
She’s just read the article and I can tell she’s getting worried. Two months in confinement are really taking a toll on me. Two months in a room with a balcony (London lifestyle, baby). Lovely room, lovely balcony. After two months it starts feeling like a prison.
And she knows it.
I’m hesitant. Going out feels overwhelming. But I know my body and mind have already been giving me orange flags that I need to get some oxygen from the woods. It is in my nature to go to nature and walk. I think if I could choose a profession I would be…oh well, I would be many things, but amongst all of them I would be a walker. I would walk everywhere if I could, it’s in my nature.
And I’m very lucky I live close to one of the lungs of London. It’s one of the things that bring me joy of the place I live in. Every time I’m feeling anxious, stressed or just too much in my head, I head up to the woods and disconnect. Instantly.
That’s my definition of bliss, breathing nature.
So it seems pretty obvious that my mind and body are cracking after keeping myself in a cage with little interaction with the rest of the world (apart from numerous zoom meetings and facetime calls, obvs) for such a long period of time. The tower starts to feel tight.
But I’m afraid, because I should stay home and I don’t know what’s out there… I want to be responsible but at the same time… I can feel I’m going a bit mad.
Mom convinces me by making a strategy and I tell her I’ll go later in the evening, when everybody’s back home. It is usually empty around that time. She urges me to go right at the minute but I reassure her I’ll go. I know I need to, and besides, if she’s urging me to go it means I really, really need to get some air in my beloved woods. I get it.
My body feels relaxed somehow. That’s a good sign.
I prepare myself and decide to follow my body on this. Whenever I feel like going back, I’ll get back. If I feel like walking, I’ll carry on walking. That’s it. Follow your gut, follow your instinct.
Feels like an instinct exam. But I feel ready to take it.
21:30. Grab a couple of chocolate squares and leave the house.
I deflate as soon as I can walk a few steps and see the empty streets. No one is around. It feels so good. I can feel a smile coming back to my face. That’s a good sign. We keep on walking.
I stop following my mind and follow my footsteps. Whenever I feel like turning, I turn. Whenever I feel I need to cross, I cross. I barely see anyone along the way. I choose streets that turn out to be empty and the minute I cross, there’s someone on the opposite side.
It’s like a dance my intuition is leading.
End up at my favourite spot of the Heath. And it’s dark, a bit late but… I feel I need to get inside the woods. Just for a little while. Only to breathe in the forest to the bottom of my lungs and get all that back to my tower.
I don’t know whether crying, or smiling, or having an orgasm.
It’s happiness coming from nature. All I needed to bring myself back and leave my head for a while.
The latest release.
I get what I need and head back. No one around. Following the streets I feel.
Wash my hands and my face as soon as I come back and get ready to sleep. I’m not scared anymore.
Coronapunzel can get out of the tower safely and feels her head is going back to normal.
I think I’m going to have a very good night sleep.