Sunday.
Wake up just in time for yoga –kind of. My own definition of just in time within the lateness. Skip a couple of exercises as I’m getting sorted and feel so relieved I haven’t activated my camera… I can also see that no one is activating cameras anymore… I like to imagine most of them are still in their pyjamas.
No one seems to bother anymore.
Confinement priorities level: sleeping over image.
I look at our teacher. She’s heavily pregnant. Can’t believe we’re already reaching the end of April… it’s been already 5 weeks of Sunday yoga sessions. And I’ve kept up with them. That’s even more impressive. Well done, girl.
Finish the session and I’m not as relaxed as usual. Nothing to do with yoga. I’ve woken up a bit shaken. Dunno. I’m just pissed off. I thought yoga would do the trick and calm me down but… not really.
Head to the shower and think. There must be a reason why I woke up like this. Think back of yesterday’s evening and conversations I had with my friends from Spain…
Uh. That’s it. Stingy.
I can spot how enraged I get after remembering the political situation. I can feel an unexpected wave of fury washing all over me. This was unexpected.
Fuck. I’m really annoyed at Spain.
From what I got yesterday night, it seems to me that the government is so overwhelmed with the situation that they don’t really know how to cope. So they’re doing what they know best: pointing their finger at each other from their egotistical stands. How cool is that, hey. Who said teamwork? Who said let’s leave our (ego) political ideologies aside so we can come up with effective solutions for the bloody country? Ah, nah.
As if caring about the country had anything to do with politics. Stupid me.
I already knew politics stand on an egotistical base but… In the midst of a worldwide pandemic…
Really, guys? Really?
Anyway, I acknowledge the fact that I can’t control what’s going on in my country or anywhere else, and I’ve been ok with it until this morning. But the thought doesn’t calm me down. Instead, it ignites even more fury.
I know what I’m going to say is wrong –because we should use love and kindness above all. But right now, I would love to slap some of these magnificent egos with a glove of Covid19.
And I wouldn’t be sorry.
I guess this had to arrive at some point. I’m worried about my family’s wellbeing and it just doesn’t seem to be in control. But what can I do. I want to think I’m doing my best staying healthy at home.
That’s it for now, I guess.
I decide to control at least my response to my anger through the most direct way: my breathing. If I control my breathing I’ll control the rest. Get on a long meditation and feels much better. I conclude that being ill over my powerlessness is only a waste my time and energy. And I refuse to spend any more energy on being furious at them. They don’t deserve that much importance.
Instead, I use my rage productively and do some adulting: change bedsheets, do the laundry, clean, declutter, organise my space. It works for now. Feels much better afterwards.
I’m starving so make a couple of avo-toasts with an omelette and have a coffee. I’m enjoying it and that is such a wonderful relief. It’s pretty sunny too. Feel the bliss back to my cheeks. Random Playlist also cheers me up and plays Spice Girl’s ‘Wannabe’.
Yeah, I’ll focus on the joy of this. Seems like a plan.
After work, the rest of the day is spent in writing, testing and recording. I’m determined to get the first week done and send it to Jay to see if sound is fine. I’m having so much fun with my little project.
Finish and catch up with Hideki. We end up having a two-hour conversation on quite a lot of pretty deep stuff but I guess we’re brain-gym pals on this.
One of the things we’ve both realised is how this time is revealing our shadows —big time. Even those we didn’t know we had but we do. And it’s pretty uncomfortable to realise about certain triggers, but we also reach the conclusion that the more we embrace our shadows, the brighter our light will shine.
Sounds contradictory but actually, it’s not. At least not to me. If we think about it, there is no sun without moon. No rainbow without rain. No light without shadows. And that’s the most beautiful thing of all. That’s what makes us wholesome and complete.
I think the more I’m getting to know my triggers, the easier it is becoming to love and treat myself with a lot more of kindness. And that makes me see things under a very different light. Because, we’re devil and saint altogether whether we like it or not. So I choose to understand and love both of them because they’re always going to be with me anyway, what’s the point of neglecting.
Finish our deep-thought session and…
Shit. The laundry. Talking about neglecting. Completely forgot I had my bedsheets in the washing machine. Agh. I check and they still smell like conditioner.
Phew…
Collect the bedsheets and put a pop-corn bag in the microwave. That’s my dinner tonight. To hell with nutritious food. Wine, pop-corns, chocolate and ‘How To Train Your Dragon’.
Struggle to ensemble the dryer because it’s broken at three points. Hm. Not what I need. Not at all. But I manage to fix it and hang the bedsheets.
Right. Ready to enjoy Sunday movie night and get cosy.
I start the movie. Buffering… buffering…nope. It seems it won’t be movie night.
Oh well. It’s not meant to be movie night. Fuck it. Grab my book and read instead. At the end of the day the point was enjoying a cosy night.
I end up going to bed rather late and as I set my alarm I think, I could’ve gone to bed pretty pissed off with the day. I could’ve said ‘oh, I had such a shitty day and it’s started since I woke up’. But I don’t really feel that way. I got pissed off and shook it off, organised my room, saved the laundry and fixed the dryer, and read a book that I like instead of watching a movie. I did things that I liked anyway. I managed to enjoy the light while dealing with the shadows.
I feel proud of myself.
It’s funny how funny reality can be. Reality is a pretty subjective concept if we think about it. It really depends on the way we want to see it. On the glasses we choose to wear and how much light we want to add to it.
So I decide to wear the shiny, rainbow glasses because it feels much better seeing reality that way. Makes navigating through life much lighter, despite the curve balls life might want to throw at me.
And the best part is that I know my shiny glasses won’t break.
It’s been a shiny Sunday after all.